Flash Fiction: The Value of Toilet Paper


PHOTO PROMPT © Trish Nankivell for Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers. Other stories featuring the prompt can be found here.

Note:
A Bumper Special this week: The Muse banter and her corresponding flash fiction story! (I know many of you were disappointed last week, The Muse’s exotic dancer drinking bleach story never made it to text)
.

For those who aren’t in the know, “dunny” is Australian for toilet and Emu Bitter is a brand of beer.

*~*

“You’re making me do this.”

Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? He called her work a “conspiracy theory”, belittled her groundbreaking toy. Questioned her sanity. Now, she’ll show him, belittle him. She pointed her laser gun and pressed the trigger. Dick shrunk to the size of his peepee. 

She picked him up. He squirmed like a worm. Fanny lost her grip and Dick fell into the toilet with a splash. 

Fanny laughed tears as Dick clung to scrunched toilet paper like a life raft.

“Come on, get me out of here, we’ll talk.”

Fanny shrugged, she wouldn’t keep him like this forever, just a few minutes to make a point. Maybe he’d be nicer to her.

“Crazy cow!”

Fanny snapped, her fingers smashed the flush button. Dick whirled around like a turd. It never pays to piss off a mad scientist. 

*~*

TANNILLE: This prompt gives me the shits.

MUSE: It least there is dunny paper to go with that.

TANNILLE: A padlock on the roll? Can you do anything with that?

MUSE: Nah, it’s the 20s, crapper paper is the new gold. Invest now.

TANNILLE: It won’t last.

MUSE: Why are you so sure? What’s up is down now. 

TANNILLE: A bit like back in the day, the mate’s rates currency was slabs of Emu Bitter?

MUSE: Why not? TP is scarce on the supermarket shelves again. Supply and demand.

TANNILLE: That’s not a story…

MUSE: Alright, man is a turd and is flushed. 

TANNILLE: I hoped he kept his mouth shut.

MUSE: It’s what got him in trouble to begin with. A mad scientist shrunk him with a ray. He clings to scrunched TP for dear life, pleading for for help.

TANNILLE: You’re so nasty!

34 thoughts on “Flash Fiction: The Value of Toilet Paper

    • Tannille says:

      Actually, I haven’t touched the stuff in years. Corona was my beer of choice, but… well… 😀. We went into hard lock down this week. Footage showed TP flying off the shelves at supermarkets. Yet the bottle shops don’t get the same panic. It amuses me.

      Thanks C

      Like

  1. James McEwan says:

    Whatever happens, never, I repeat never invent such a laser gun. The image of standing next to a large ‘peep’ with a name like Dick will haunt me forever. Besides there are a few people who deserve to be flushed away..
    Great piece of humour.

    Liked by 1 person

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