Flash Fiction: The Little Mermaid (A Parody)

Ariel left Eric and returned to the sea. Her tears added to the body of water.

Oh, why didn’t I listen to Daddy? Humans are barbarians.

She traded everything to be with her man; her voice, her fins, her crabs…

And so many rules…

1. No seaweed in bed
2. No gargling wine in public
3. No wind between the legs

Blah, blah, blah. Anything to make Eric happy.

“Darling, it’s better down where it’s wetter. Take it from me.”

Oh, why did I listen to Sebastian?

Eric refused to go down on her. He screwed up his nose.

“Sorry, babe, you smell fishy down there.”

🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️

This fishy tale is taking the Mickey out of Disney’s “The Little Mermaid”.

The Little Mermaid: A Recap According to The Muse (Snark Alert)

Ariel is a mermaid princess who wants to become human. Idiot, she should have done her research on human nature. But no, she sees some eye candy, Prince Eric and wants him, she wants him bad. Apparently, mermaids suffer from the same puberty hormones as human teenagers. How mermaids have sex isn’t explored, but they live in a gigantic golden phallic kingdom.

Long story short, the sea witch makes Ariel an offer — her voice in exchange for legs. The sea witch has an agenda to be a badass and dethrone Ariel’s daddy, the m̶e̶r̶k̶i̶n̶ mer king. Ariel doesn’t read the fine print and signs on the dotted line. Did I mention she’s an idiot?

No more musical numbers for our girl, Ariel, as she ventures onto land as a mute. I’m sure that makes her the perfect dream girl for some men. Eric is one such man. He finds a helpless Ariel and offers her a room in the palace next to his. She earns her keep… I guess.

The sea witch turns up disguised as a human and enchants the prince with Ariel’s voice. Anyway, in true Disney butchered fairytale fashion, Ariel defeats the sea witch, gets her man, and they sail off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Barf!

Until now…

More Fudged Up Fairy Tales can be read here