TANNILLE: Why is everything I write crap? So flat, colourless.
MUSE: You place too many restrictions on me. No more killing Muse, only be happy Muse, the world doesn’t need another sad story Muse, too dark Muse…
TANNILLE: OMG you killed Ken, Dionysus and Pandora, last month – you bastard!
MUSE: Those deaths are impactful as South Park bumping Kenny off every episode. You’re trying to be happy when you’re grieving. You smother me with appointments, emails, shopping, renovations. Distractions only work for so long.
TANNILLE: Life in Perth is better than pretty much everywhere on the planet, can’t complain.
MUSE: So, you pretend life is unicorns and kittens for yourself, while you worry about everyone else?
TANNILLE: It’s worked up until the past week. Pete would want us to keep writing and inspire. What do you suggest?
~ * ~
Story in context…
Early October, someone dear to my heart unexpectedly passed away. For 10 years, Peter mentored me like a protege. We facilitated local writing groups together, shared stories, discussed writing topics, tortured ourselves with NanoWriMo, celebrated Halloween and Christmas, and drank a hell of a lot of coffee. We had a reoccurring argument over the existence of writer’s block. Ironically, I won that one the last time I saw him. This post is my 100th, and as my biggest champion, he would have celebrated the milestone.
For three days I was a mess and then calm. I thought the grief passed; I picked myself up and carried the torch for the both of us. However, the past week or so has been hard. I wrote a short story and Peter was always the writer I turned to for feedback. Ouch… From a writing stand point, since his passing, stories are taking a lot longer to write and are hit or miss. Sometimes the ideas are there, but the words don’t come. Odd. Focus can be an issue.
The worse part is I’m disconnected from my internal worlds. Playing in fictional lands is my escapism, keeps me sane and euphoric. The realm feel lost to me.
Time heals… Grief is like catching a wave on the ocean, hop on and ride to shore. No point fighting against the tide.
Who knows, maybe The Muse will hand me back the keys to my kingdom sooner than I think… In the meantime, “Oh my God Pete, you killed Tannille’s muse…” 😈